There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
