eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
