He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
