So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
