pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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