You're my little dorito
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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