hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
