2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
