I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
