I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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