threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She even gives head with a lisp.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
