dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can text with my tongue
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
