This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
