Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
