Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
