i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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