dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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