i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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