Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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