i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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