Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
