I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
