tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
