oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
