He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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