Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
