Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
