went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't turn off my feet"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize