Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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