Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I need a beard to bite.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
