I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
