Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
