I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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