Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
