YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
