so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
