Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
