As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
