YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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