can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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