Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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