I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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