There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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