I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
