Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You are a genius and a whore.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
