OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
