i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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