Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
