i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
