My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
