you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
