I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ttyl tear gas
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize