JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
