I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
