Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
