she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
