God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize