I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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