Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
