You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
