You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
