great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
