When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
