i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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