a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
