I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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