Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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