he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
