He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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