Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My feet surprised me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
