No I am not eating basil off your cock
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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