are you still at the devil's house?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
