She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
