Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
