Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
